The good news is all I have to do is calm down
Sep. 24th, 2025 09:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cimoreneI failed the driving test in apparently one of the most common ways to do it: no major errors except that the engine died at an intersection and I got flustered and failed to restart it so many times that the test administrator had to gently coach me through even though we both knew I knew what to do. I was fully aware that I was releasing the clutch too fast, but I just could not slow down no matter how I tried. Until she gently and calmly told me when in her coaching voice, of course, and that worked right away.
We sat there three light cycles. It was like something out of a sitcom. The test administrator was very nice about it; and apart from the embarrassment, I don't feel that bad about it, and I think I'll be okay when I retake it in three weeks.
§§§
However.
It's very frustrating to be told that you just need to calm down or relax, as a person with anxiety disorders. I don't mean it's insensitive or anything, just that it's frustrating because I already knew that and have been trying very hard to, but it's not working very well, because there's nothing that does work very reliably that I can do.
I can't take a tranquilizer. I can't magically make myself extremely familiar with the entire context/place/situation/people. I can't exercise vigorously right before because it takes longer to travel to Turku than it does for endorphins to fade (and I'd have to have time to go home and shower and dress even before the hour commute). I can tell myself everything's going well and it's not an emergency and I should chill; I can tense up all my muscles and then release and do those breath patterns that help lower your heartbeat; and I can listen to music that I find comforting. That's really it. It's got limited effectiveness.
But importantly, the bus ride is already stressful enough for me to need to do those things much of the time because I have a severe perfume allergy and am hypersensitive to perfumes, and typically there is at least one (physically) irritating perfume experience in over 90% of bus rides that I take. It's not often possible to come out of one centered and relaxed and refreshed, even if I logically know that the risk of anaphylaxis was low!
Probably it would still be hard to relax without the bus trip, though.
We sat there three light cycles. It was like something out of a sitcom. The test administrator was very nice about it; and apart from the embarrassment, I don't feel that bad about it, and I think I'll be okay when I retake it in three weeks.
§§§
However.
It's very frustrating to be told that you just need to calm down or relax, as a person with anxiety disorders. I don't mean it's insensitive or anything, just that it's frustrating because I already knew that and have been trying very hard to, but it's not working very well, because there's nothing that does work very reliably that I can do.
I can't take a tranquilizer. I can't magically make myself extremely familiar with the entire context/place/situation/people. I can't exercise vigorously right before because it takes longer to travel to Turku than it does for endorphins to fade (and I'd have to have time to go home and shower and dress even before the hour commute). I can tell myself everything's going well and it's not an emergency and I should chill; I can tense up all my muscles and then release and do those breath patterns that help lower your heartbeat; and I can listen to music that I find comforting. That's really it. It's got limited effectiveness.
But importantly, the bus ride is already stressful enough for me to need to do those things much of the time because I have a severe perfume allergy and am hypersensitive to perfumes, and typically there is at least one (physically) irritating perfume experience in over 90% of bus rides that I take. It's not often possible to come out of one centered and relaxed and refreshed, even if I logically know that the risk of anaphylaxis was low!
Probably it would still be hard to relax without the bus trip, though.
Farscape music vid recs
Sep. 22nd, 2025 09:40 pmamalthiaTonight I was re-watching some of my favorite Farscape music vids and wow I felt like this was the golden age of music vids. Like this fandom kept raising the bar in terms of what is possible in a music vid.
The vid "Fix You" had wonderful use of voice overs and overlays/crossfading. The song choice and editing made it was absolutely perfect. I cried the first time watching it. Youtube LINK: Fix You
Then I re-watched "Angel of Moya" to the song "return to innocence" and this vidder did something I never saw done to before, which was they played the clips backwards from the end of the show until the beginning and it worked. Angel of Moya by Avenue Potter.
Then there are these two John/Aeryn gems from Leviathan.
She Drives me Crazy
A life less ordinary
There are so many other good vids in this fandom. If you have any recs please feel free to share in the comments!
The vid "Fix You" had wonderful use of voice overs and overlays/crossfading. The song choice and editing made it was absolutely perfect. I cried the first time watching it. Youtube LINK: Fix You
Then I re-watched "Angel of Moya" to the song "return to innocence" and this vidder did something I never saw done to before, which was they played the clips backwards from the end of the show until the beginning and it worked. Angel of Moya by Avenue Potter.
Then there are these two John/Aeryn gems from Leviathan.
She Drives me Crazy
A life less ordinary
There are so many other good vids in this fandom. If you have any recs please feel free to share in the comments!
ADHD roadblocks
Sep. 22nd, 2025 04:01 pmcimoreneI have been thinking about the ADHD struggle, and I decided I should buy the Barkley book on adult ADHD and also a copy of How To Keep House While Drowning; I added them to my cart at the online bookstore, then didn't order them because I didn't have the executive function to do that yet. I found some potential replacements for the charger of my laptop that just broke as well, but didn't manage to finish comparing them and decide.
Other stuff I need to do and have been unable to start includes:( Read more... )
I think a lot of what's blocking me from several of these things in the last month, anyway, is that they feel like projects that require planning and stamina, but so much of my bandwidth has been going to anxiety about the driving test (two days from now) that there wasn't space. This is extremely normal for me and obviously a fallacy, but I guess I've been feeling like the time until the test was mostly short enough that I should just try to minimize anxiety and worry about all the other stuff after. And I didn't want to take my adhd meds in between.
Other stuff I need to do and have been unable to start includes:( Read more... )
I think a lot of what's blocking me from several of these things in the last month, anyway, is that they feel like projects that require planning and stamina, but so much of my bandwidth has been going to anxiety about the driving test (two days from now) that there wasn't space. This is extremely normal for me and obviously a fallacy, but I guess I've been feeling like the time until the test was mostly short enough that I should just try to minimize anxiety and worry about all the other stuff after. And I didn't want to take my adhd meds in between.
You know I love a London boy by xxnelli (SFW)
Sep. 22nd, 2025 10:49 pmmific posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
fanart_recsFandom: Red White and Royal Blue (RWRB)
Characters/Pairing/Other Subject: Henry/Alex
Content Notes/Warnings: none
Medium: digital art
Artist on DW/LJ: n/a
Artist Website/Gallery: xxnelli on tumblr
Why this piece is awesome: The boys holding hands, out for a walk. An impressive level of detail, lovely work.
Link: You know I love a London boy
Characters/Pairing/Other Subject: Henry/Alex
Content Notes/Warnings: none
Medium: digital art
Artist on DW/LJ: n/a
Artist Website/Gallery: xxnelli on tumblr
Why this piece is awesome: The boys holding hands, out for a walk. An impressive level of detail, lovely work.
Link: You know I love a London boy
2025 Holiday Exchange and Community Gifts Announcement
Sep. 21st, 2025 07:50 pmcap_ironman_fe posting in cap_ironmanWelcome to Cap-IM's 2025 Holiday Exchange and Community Gifts!
💙💌💛
The Holiday Exchange is Cap-IM's end-of-the-year fanwork exchange for SteveTony works. Everyone who joins will be matched, to secretly create a Steve/Tony fanwork for another participant. At the end of December, the gifts will be posted anonymously. Then in January, the creators will be revealed! All types of content and fanworks are allowed. All things SteveTony are celebrated.
💖 Join now to get a gift of your deepest Steve/Tony heart's desires! 💖
Or read the AO3 RULES section below for other relevant information.
Community Gifts is the annual gift giving event run in tandem with the Holiday Exchange. It is a way for participants to give gifts to the community without the pressure or commitment of the Holiday Exchange. Prompts are collected anonymously from anyone who wants to submit one, and after they’re published, everyone is welcome to fill them.
💝 Inspire a fellow SteveTony and submit your community prompts now! 💝
Or read more info on Community Gifts in the AO3 RULES section below.
⚡ SCHEDULE ⚡
- September 18: Exchange sign-ups and Community Gifts prompt submissions open
- October 9: Exchange sign-ups close at 10:00 PM EDT (what time is it for me?)
- October 10-13: Matching period
- October 14: Assignments sent out at the latest
- October 24: Community Gifts prompt submissions close at 10:00 PM EDT (what time is it for me?)
- October 25: Community Gifts prompts list is posted
- December 17: Finished exchange assignments are due at 10:00 PM EDT (what time is it for me?)
- December 25: Start of gift reveals
- January 3: Community Gifts are due at 10:00 PM EDT (what time is it for me?)
- January 7: Creator reveals
🎉 PARTICIPATION RULES 🎉
- YOU MUST BE 18 OR OLDER
- You must have an AO3 account. You can request one here. If you need help getting an account, reach out to Cap-IM mods
- You will create a fanwork gift that focuses on Steve and Tony's relationship in one of the exchange's eligible universes
- Gifts must:
- be previously unpublished
- completed specifically for this exchange
- meet minimum fanwork type requirements
- fulfill at least one of your giftee’s prompts
- This is a secret exchange. All gifts will be a surprise. Do not reveal who you are creating for or discuss the specifics of your work publicly until after creator reveals
🎨 MINIMUM FANWORK TYPE REQUIREMENTS 🎨
- Artwork (traditional or digital mediums, including fancomics): One polished work on an unlined surface.
- Fanfiction: One fanfic of at least 1000 words, proofread by another person.
- Fanmix: One fanmix of at least 5 songs, with cover art (which can be digital, traditional, an edit, etc.)
- Fanvid: One vid of at least 1 minute with no gaps or missing footage
- Gifsets and Edits/Manips: Two gifsets or manips, of a quality that you would be happy to receive as a gift. Do not use existing fanworks as the basis of your work, unless the creator has given permission/transformative blanket statement.
- Podfic: One podfic of at least 500 words if you are also writing the text for it. One podfic of at least 1000 words if you are recording a pre-existing work. Do not podfic someone else's work, unless the creator has given permission/transformative blanket statement.
- Multi-media gifts must meet the minimum for at least one requested medium.
🎭 MINIMUM FANWORK CONTENT REQUIREMENTS 🎭
- Completely fulfill ONE (or more) of your recipient’s prompts
- Cannot include any listed "Do Not Wants"
- Be posted and complete at the exchange deadline
- Be newly created for this exchange.
- Cannot be sequels to existing fic or part of a previously posted series. Art and fanvids cannot be based on other existing fanworks unless the recipient has specified otherwise in their request.
- Fics must be proofread/beta’d. If you want to find a beta reader, there is a list of beta readers available here.
If you have any questions about signing up or need assistance with registration, please don't hesitate to contact the mods at cap.im.events@gmail.com. We'll be more than happy to provide any clarification and help you through the process!
Snarry Bang 2025 Gift
Sep. 21st, 2025 11:38 amdementordeltaAs part of the wonderful Snarry Bang Cruisedirector and I received the lovely work Mistake by the lovely FairyCucumber
Thank you so much, I see new things in your art every time I look at it!
Thank you so much, I see new things in your art every time I look at it!
Fic Post!
Sep. 21st, 2025 11:24 amdementordeltacruisedirector and I have committed fic! Title: The Referee
Authors:
cruisedirector and dementordeltaRating: Explicit
Word Count: 4100
Written for: Snarry Bang 2025
Summary: Harry shows up to give Snape a piece of his mind, but ends up giving him something else.
The Referee
Drew some Tomoko
Sep. 20th, 2025 12:16 pmfennectik posting in anime_mangaRecently found out about this lovable anxiety-filled character named Tomoko from Watamote, being quite late to the entire series as it is. Went on sketching her face.
The long sewage nightmare is over
Sep. 19th, 2025 03:48 pmcimoreneThe plumber and the digger have left after tamping the dirt back down and pouring some new gravel where the car parks! The septic tanks have been removed and the separate rainwater drainage is in place!
The sewers from the tenant side do not empty into the tank under the garage anymore (that's still there though, but it shouldn't be able to give us any trouble unless we get like a month of flooding rains and a leak)!
It's all brown dirt and gray gravel again now, but here's a few pictures Wax took of the excavation earlier.
We have lost a few bushes and possibly some hostas, as well as a little flat cement pad that we didn't want, to the piles of dirt and digging. We will need to buy a few baby bushes (rhododendron maybe?) and a bunch of clover seed which hopefully might manage to outcompete the grass. And set the cement paver path back in place. All that has to be done during the autumn, before the frost, so... here's hoping. Also a city tree on the corner of the lot had a lot of its roots cut off and unfortunately a lot more on the other side last winter when the city dug up the street to fix the pipes. It's probably not gonna survive that, I guess.
I have been feeling full of anxiety and suspense when actually a lot of things are going well. This stupid open septic tank issue has been oppressing and terrifying us for a year. Monday and Tuesday are my last driving lessons and then I take the test (tons of anxiety) but my teacher and I agreed I've been doing pretty well. Wax and I have managed to cook together a bit more often, even.
The sewers from the tenant side do not empty into the tank under the garage anymore (that's still there though, but it shouldn't be able to give us any trouble unless we get like a month of flooding rains and a leak)!
It's all brown dirt and gray gravel again now, but here's a few pictures Wax took of the excavation earlier.
We have lost a few bushes and possibly some hostas, as well as a little flat cement pad that we didn't want, to the piles of dirt and digging. We will need to buy a few baby bushes (rhododendron maybe?) and a bunch of clover seed which hopefully might manage to outcompete the grass. And set the cement paver path back in place. All that has to be done during the autumn, before the frost, so... here's hoping. Also a city tree on the corner of the lot had a lot of its roots cut off and unfortunately a lot more on the other side last winter when the city dug up the street to fix the pipes. It's probably not gonna survive that, I guess.
I have been feeling full of anxiety and suspense when actually a lot of things are going well. This stupid open septic tank issue has been oppressing and terrifying us for a year. Monday and Tuesday are my last driving lessons and then I take the test (tons of anxiety) but my teacher and I agreed I've been doing pretty well. Wax and I have managed to cook together a bit more often, even.
Henry and Alex at sunset by elorberryart (SFW)
Sep. 17th, 2025 01:01 pmmific posting in fanart_recsFandom: Red White and Royal Blue (RWRB)
Characters/Pairing/Other Subject: Henry/Alex
Content Notes/Warnings: none
Medium: digital art
Artist on DW/LJ: n/a
Artist Website/Gallery: elorberryart on tumblr
Why this piece is awesome: A classical romantic painting against the sunset, to celebrate five years of RWRB. Love the colours!
Link: Henry and Alex at sunset
Characters/Pairing/Other Subject: Henry/Alex
Content Notes/Warnings: none
Medium: digital art
Artist on DW/LJ: n/a
Artist Website/Gallery: elorberryart on tumblr
Why this piece is awesome: A classical romantic painting against the sunset, to celebrate five years of RWRB. Love the colours!
Link: Henry and Alex at sunset
Marvel Trumps Hate 2025 Sign-ups are Open!
Sep. 15th, 2025 09:20 pmnostalgicatsea posting in cap_ironman
Links: Marvel Trumps Hate website | Tumblr
Marvel Trumps Hate is back for another year! We're a fandom charity auction open to any and all Marvel universes, characters, and ships. Creators sign up to auction off fannish Marvel creations and services, with 100% of the proceeds going to nonprofit organizations working towards a more equitable and healthy planet. MTH successfully raised $47,000 last year and an incredible grand total of $262,652.53 since 2018. Please join us again—or for the first time—this year to raise funds for some amazing causes!
2025 Dates (ET times):
SEPT. 14–SEPT. 27: Creator sign-ups
OCT. 12–OCT. 18: Preview week
OCT. 19–OCT. 25: Auction week
NOV. 1: Donation receipts deadline
SEPT. 14–SEPT. 27: Creator sign-ups
OCT. 12–OCT. 18: Preview week
OCT. 19–OCT. 25: Auction week
NOV. 1: Donation receipts deadline
★ CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP AS A CREATOR ★
About | FAQ | Full Schedule | How to Participate | Supported Organizations | Contact
The enormous yawning pit in front of the door is here!!
Sep. 15th, 2025 01:34 pmcimoreneOn the plus side, plumbers are here digging up the yard to fix the drain to the sewer.
On the minus side, the plumber asked me if Wax was my mom. 😂😭But on the plus (?) side that was probably more embarrassing for him than for us? (I have gray in my hair! But apparently not visibly, at a glance.) (Wax also looks young for her age, but I guess her hair looks much grayer now.)
The tenant side drains will be cut off from tomorrow, so we have to clean the bathrooms tonight so they can use our bathrooms. And the giant pit that's being dug has eliminated the direct route from their door to ours, so they'll have to go the long way around the house to reach us. And we'll have to climb over the railings and jump down the side of the stairs to our door for a little while.
But obviously it's all worth it! Because ultimately it means working drains instead of open septic tanks with a pump in them.
On the minus side, the plumber asked me if Wax was my mom. 😂😭But on the plus (?) side that was probably more embarrassing for him than for us? (I have gray in my hair! But apparently not visibly, at a glance.) (Wax also looks young for her age, but I guess her hair looks much grayer now.)
The tenant side drains will be cut off from tomorrow, so we have to clean the bathrooms tonight so they can use our bathrooms. And the giant pit that's being dug has eliminated the direct route from their door to ours, so they'll have to go the long way around the house to reach us. And we'll have to climb over the railings and jump down the side of the stairs to our door for a little while.
But obviously it's all worth it! Because ultimately it means working drains instead of open septic tanks with a pump in them.
Giving Lucky Star a second chance
Sep. 14th, 2025 07:43 pmfennectik posting in anime_mangaWhen I first watching Lucky Star, I simply couldn't get into it. I know its akin to American shows like Seinfeld where it's practically about nothing and I got behind that, but I simply couldn't got to be invested after the first four episodes. Decided to give it another go after watching clips on youtube and finding Izumi practically adorable after all this time.
Had also finished Area 88 (2004,) and despite its mild ending and how it directed itself, I enjoyed it for what it was.
Another Anime with a cute protagonist I'm trying out is The Great Jahy Won't be Defeated (or something like that,) which so far it's entertaining, and Heatguy J, which I'm sure I've watched some episodes of it before. Best way I can describe it is like Inspector Gadget if he were badass.
Will update on more progress on said titles.
Had also finished Area 88 (2004,) and despite its mild ending and how it directed itself, I enjoyed it for what it was.
Another Anime with a cute protagonist I'm trying out is The Great Jahy Won't be Defeated (or something like that,) which so far it's entertaining, and Heatguy J, which I'm sure I've watched some episodes of it before. Best way I can describe it is like Inspector Gadget if he were badass.
Will update on more progress on said titles.
Resuscitating Wax's Tom of Finland tote as a Stumpy Buck of Finland tote
Sep. 14th, 2025 10:53 pmcimoreneYears ago Wax bought one of Finlayson's original Tom of Finland tote bags. She carried it a long time (12 years maybe?), until finally the handles wore so threadbare they were falling to pieces and there was a big and several small stains, so I confiscated it for treatment.
Washing it several times and soaking it in oxygen bleach only faded the main tea stain. But this week I finally got around to unpicking the stitches that attached the handles and sewing in new longer ones of cotton webbing (by hand because the sewing machine isn't working). I embroidered over a couple of small rust spots where there had been button pins and then sewed a zipper into the pocket. In the process, I accidentally put it down on top of a wet teabag, so it had to soak in cold water and be spot-treated with oxygen bleach, which removed the new spots. I then soaked it in some diluted lemon juice and the older tea stain faded to a faint yellowish.
See, I was going to embroider over it too, but it's much bigger than the other spots, about four inches long and two or three high. And the bag shrank a bunch when initially laundered. It's sturdy cotton canvas and it didn't occur to me to worry, but umm, it only shrank vertically, not horizontally, and so all the semi-obscene gay guys in the print became... stumpy. And Wax thinks that they will stretch out again over time when the bag is weighed down with cargo; a big embroidered patch would interfere with that.
Washing it several times and soaking it in oxygen bleach only faded the main tea stain. But this week I finally got around to unpicking the stitches that attached the handles and sewing in new longer ones of cotton webbing (by hand because the sewing machine isn't working). I embroidered over a couple of small rust spots where there had been button pins and then sewed a zipper into the pocket. In the process, I accidentally put it down on top of a wet teabag, so it had to soak in cold water and be spot-treated with oxygen bleach, which removed the new spots. I then soaked it in some diluted lemon juice and the older tea stain faded to a faint yellowish.
See, I was going to embroider over it too, but it's much bigger than the other spots, about four inches long and two or three high. And the bag shrank a bunch when initially laundered. It's sturdy cotton canvas and it didn't occur to me to worry, but umm, it only shrank vertically, not horizontally, and so all the semi-obscene gay guys in the print became... stumpy. And Wax thinks that they will stretch out again over time when the bag is weighed down with cargo; a big embroidered patch would interfere with that.
Pluto fic
Sep. 14th, 2025 09:01 amthawrecka posting in anime_mangaPreludes and Endings (Arr. for Piano) (1854 words) by thawrecka
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Pluto (Anime)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Paul Duncan/North no. 2
Characters: Paul Duncan (Pluto), North No. 2 (Pluto)
Additional Tags: Missing Scene, Canonical Character Death, Angst, First Kiss, Robot/Human Relationships
Summary:
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Pluto (Anime)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Paul Duncan/North no. 2
Characters: Paul Duncan (Pluto), North No. 2 (Pluto)
Additional Tags: Missing Scene, Canonical Character Death, Angst, First Kiss, Robot/Human Relationships
Summary:
Paul Duncan uses the time they have to reach out for North no. 2's hands.
