It happens every year at this season that when the sun never comes up properly all day it feels like I have never woken up properly either, but it's always just as frustrating and I'm never prepared. Sigh. Time just comes unglued, because it's overcast all the time and it's only daylight (wan gray daylight) between 9 and 4 at best. A week could be a day long or a month long. It's like I'm dreaming, but not as pleasant, because my hands or feet are usually cold during the day.

Sunlamps have never been very noticeably useful for me, which is extremely depressing, but also not bad enough for me to completely give up on them. The worst part is that regular outdoor exercise probably would help but it's completely unattainable. You might as well tell me that a hundred pushups is the cure.

Yesterday Wax had to quit work early and drive into Turku to see a doctor because it felt like something was poking her in her left eye but there was nothing there! And then she had to get up early and go to Turku today to see a specialist. She got some eyedrops prescribed, but there's nothing majorly wrong with her eye. It's just that her eyes are too dry. Apparently when your eyes are too dry one of the things that can happen is that they stick to your eyelids when you're asleep and if they're too stuck, when you open your eyes a few cells from the cornea can get torn off it and stay stuck to the eyelid, which creates a little micro hole in it and feels like you're being constantly stabbed in the eyeball. Isn't that great?

When we were talking about this last night I said, "You know, for a bunch of years, like maybe five to ten years ago, I felt like my eyes were too dry all the time and I was putting saline drops in them frequently, but a few years ago instead it started being like they overcompensate and make a lot of tears and now my eyes are more likely to be running when I've been asleep or lying down..." and with her new knowledge she was able to devastatingly inform me that this is just a sign of my eyes being dry, and even though it makes them hurt less, the tears are the wrong kind of moisture or something and not actually helping the eye themselves. So apparently in addition to the drops Wax needs for the inflammation and pain, we both have to start moisturizing our eyes now.

The other quixotic thing that happened this week was that my sister forgot about Brexit. Again.

To be specific: last year my sister ordered me a holiday present from a UK etsy shop that cost more than the minimum you can import without paying import taxes now (which I think is like under 20€ - it might even be 10?). As a result I got a text informing me that a package I didn't know about previously was at Customs, and in order to free it I had to fill out an online form indicating exactly what it was (which is a hassle in itself because they're in a taxonomic tree list) and provide a receipt or proof of purchase, in this case, the email receipt from the webshop that my sister had to forward, which obviously sort of spoiled the surprise. With a small present the amount you have to pay to release it from jail is only a few euros typically, but it is a hassle and it spoils the surprise.

And then this week she FORGOT THAT THAT HAD HAPPENED and ordered me a present from another UK shop.

(My parents & sister and I have pretty much given up on mailing back and forth anything larger than a padded envelope due to the delays and the fact that postage for the regular-sized boxes we typically used to send has gone up to generally over 100€.)

1. Wax's fatigue and stress

Wax had a breakdown about a year ago after Snookums died and we lost Anubis, the same as I did. But she hasn't really rebounded, just been scraping along as if she had the flu since then. She recently told me she thought it wasn't burnout, or anxiety, but maybe something physical related to menopause or thyroid perhaps, and she finally went to a doctor and had a bunch of bloodwork done. But it looked like it wasn't anything like that, and the doctor who gave her the results said she needs to probably see a gynecologist to check if it's related to hormones next. That was a couple of weeks ago, and she hasn't done it yet - she seems to have been alarmed by some vagueness about how the referral process is gonna work. This is her work health insurance, so completely differently from how it works for me.

2. Me seeing a doctor

I got up early yesterday to call between 8:00 and 8:01 am and actually got a record-fast callback in less than 40 minutes, and this time they ACTUALLY GAVE ME AN APPOINTMENT!!! The appointment is in a week and a half, shortly after my birthday. I have a whole list of questions unrelated to this medication to ask the GP while I am there.

3. Cat training & cat divorce

The other day Tristana and Sipuli were briefly sitting calmly on opposite sites of the gate looking at each other! It only lasted for about one minute. While I was still talking to Wax about it, as we watched, Sipuli jumped down, turned in a circle, then jumped back up and tried to grab Tristana through the gate, and Tristana jumped away of course. But it's still a milestone. (I think I've seen this twice before maybe.)

Sipuli is focused enough on training now that she will keep her attention on me even if Tristana is right there staring through the gate! She only ignored me to jump on the gate once, and I ended the session immediately. Since then she has kept her attention on me in spite of gross provocation from Tristana several times.

I think I will try training them to turn in a circle next, and I've started doing this with Tristana by moving the target around to the side next to her hip so she has to twist after it a bit. (Tristana has not even realized she can touch the target with her foot instead of her nose yet. Sipuli seems to switch sort of randomly.)

4. Attempting to become less sedentary

I was doing pretty well with stretches and exercises in the last few months up until I got my driver's licence, but the week before last which I spent at that job-hunting course caused me to drop all the balls I had been juggling (balls of daily routines I mean), and I have not managed to get back to the exercise yet. Which is extra annoying because at the same time I started knitting a sweater for an 18-year-old nephew, so doing shoulder- and arm-focused stretching routines would be more useful now than it was a month ago. I spent all last week feeling exhausted and didn't get past cleaning and knitting. But at the same time, it's now pitch black by four in the afternoon and doesn't lighten until after eight. I need to dig out my sunlamp and get it set up in a good position, probably. In twenty years I've never managed to establish a lasting routine with it, but maybe I just need more practice.